


17

by ShinMeiko



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:48:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinMeiko/pseuds/ShinMeiko
Summary: [Congratulations, you found one of the thirteen endings!]Start over?
Comments: 13
Kudos: 13
Collections: Interactive chapter





	17

I leave my group of friends and go look for Blue on my own. I do realize that it’s a bit rude to Bram and Garrett, but I also don’t think they would mind that much. It’s not like we are really friends. We just happen to all be friends with Nick.

In any case. Here I am, on my own, desperately looking for Blue, not knowing if he even showed and, if he did, if he stayed. But the hope is still there. If Blue is here, I will find him. Or I will let him find me.

I don’t think I have ever paid this much attention to the people around me. Everyone is interesting because I need to put them in the ‘no’ or the ‘maybe’ category. Most people are easy because I know for sure they couldn’t be Blue. But my heart races a little whenever I see someone who might potentially be him.

In ten minutes, I have made eye-contact with more boys than in the last year. I try to find something in their eyes that would give me a clue. But most of them ignore me or seem a bit weirded out. I got three smiles, though. One of them was even clearly an invitation. But I could tell it wasn’t Blue.

And right now is all about blue. I promised I would be here, I promised I would wait for him, so I am doing just that. No friends, no Cal, no Martin… Just Blue and me. Like I promised. No distraction, no fear. I am ready and if he is ready too, I need to come through for him.

But time passes and still no Blue. Or maybe I missed him. I know it wouldn’t be nice for him, but I hope that I missed him. Otherwise, that would just mean that he didn’t show. And I am not ready to face that possibility yet.

It is getting late and some rides are closing for the night.

I sigh. No Blue tonight. I’ll email him later this evening. Let him know that I was there, that I was late, but that I waited. That I am sorry we missed each other if he showed. That I understand if he didn’t show. That I would do anything to go back to what we had, and that he just needs to tell me how to get there.

But when I get home, I do not get the chance to email him. Because he already did. And his email breaks my heart.

FROM: bluegreen118@gmail.com

TO: hourtohour.notetonote@gmail.com

DATE: Jan 25 at 9.37 PM

SUBJECT: Carnival

Simon,

I want you to know that I came. I was terrified, I wasn’t ready, but I came. Because your words were wonderful, and they were finally the proof more than the hint that you wanted more, that your interest for Blue was more than friendship, and I wanted that. I wanted us to find each other tonight.

But here is the thing, Simon: as much as I love your written self, and as much as I am drawn to the real you, this feeling isn’t mutual.

We met tonight. Briefly. It was quite obvious that you weren’t interested in spending any time with me. So I don’t think you like me. I think you like having a confidant to share things with, and that this person could be anyone willing to listen.

But when it comes to real boys… you never see me. I don’t think you’ve ever picture me, and I was ready to think that it was because you never had the opportunity. But tonight, you saw me, and instantly decided to look somewhere else for me. As if Blue could be anyone but me.

This was heartbreaking, but maybe this was for the best. We have been there for each other in moments of doubt, and this is something I will always treasure. But I am not who you want, and I think this online thing is trapping us both, keeping us from moving on.

So I am letting go, Simon. I am deleting this email address after sending this. It’s for the best. You know it’s for the best.

Thank you for all you have done for me, it was more than you realize. And sorry I wasn’t enough for you.

Love,

Blue.

My heart is racing. Not at all in a pleasant way. I try emailing back. Nothing, just a blank email. But it comes back to me. He really did delete his email.

Does he really think that I wouldn’t want him? Because even if I missed him today, I do want him. Whoever he might be. Blue is my safe place not just because he would listen to (read, I guess) me, but because of how perfect his answers always are.

And he signed ‘love’.

That means I can still save what we have, right? Right?

Okay… He wrote ‘met’. He wouldn’t have said that if we hadn’t at least spoken to each other. I think I can discard anyone I just looked at. I just need to remember who I talked to…

Come on, Simon, think. Just think.

You can do this.

You have to…

**Author's Note:**

> [Congratulations, you found one of the thirteen endings!]
> 
> [Start over?](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567391)


End file.
